Ridin' Dirty: July 2008

Oh, I was once again in charge of the journal:

July 29th, 2008

Two weeks ago, in a humble little kitchen in LaCrosse WI, an earth-shattering idea was born. If you’ve been keeping tabs on the group, you know that we’ve planned some activities to break up the monotony of the rides. Up to this point, we had put on a costume contest and had a scavenger hunt in the works. That night in the kitchen, after most everyone had gone to bed Christopher, Jessie and I stayed up to conjure up more trip activities. That was when Christopher threw out the word “Prom.”

Now allow me to take a moment and express my unbound fervor for the institution known as prom. Prom is, in a word, ridiculous. Everyone gets dates, dresses up, rents a limo, buys expensive dinners, takes a massive load of photos…and for what? Two hours of awkward dancing. And this is an all-American tradition stretching back nearly a century. And it’s stressful: a literal vortex of high school drama. I consider it fabulous as I stand back and watch the drama unfold from the wings. I disagree with all the pomp and circumstance, but instead of boycotting prom, I choose to infiltrate. My modus operandi? Irreverence. I’m the one who dines in, takes a friend as a date, and wears the gaudiest dress imaginable. I see it as having the time of my life while at the same time taking a stand against the institution of it all. Well, it’s mostly about having the time of my life.

So when that small, yet explosively evocative word hit the air, I was set. Prom would be our next major endeavor for NUS Bike and Build 2008.

My vision included outrageous dresses, dinner, decorations, dates, and dancing. But it would all be very tongue-and-cheek. Foir instance, prom outfits would derive from thrift stores as opposed to Macy’s. Couples go from within the group, but brownie points to the person who showed up with a townie (and six of the guys were going to have to get creative as there were not enough females to go around). We would also have photos with gaudy backgrounds and awkward couple poses.

So in Pepin, WI the plans were announced. Invitations were sent out a week later. The theme we (Christopher and I) decided upon would be HARVEST MOON. It was appropriate given the current scenery of the country (this would make decorations easy, just pilfer some corn stalks from a nearby field). Harvest Moon was also the theme which was proposed by Christopher when he was prom panning committee (is anyone surprised by this fact?) but was rejected; this was going to be his redemption. The prom was scheduled for June 29th in Rugby, ND. Attire: formal. Dates: required.

At first, Bike and Build Prom 2008 was met with lackluster reception. I think a lot of people were intimidated by the idea of required dates, which is understandable. All of us are good friends, so the notion that we were “pairing up” had the potential to make things awkward that evening. Very awkward.

I also believe some resistance came from some negative associations with the word “prom.” Once again, this is understandable. If we had termed this event “Glorified Dance Party 2008,” I don’t think people would have experienced the emotions they did. This is a group with great heads on their shoulders, I can’t imagine anyone got caught up in or enjoyed the trivial drama of their high school prom. I’m sure no one wanted to relive that.

To diffuse this mounting tension, I did two things. The first was to invite Dan to prom. It was assumed by everyone that Dan and Kim would be each other’s dates. To stir the pot a bit, I announced one morning I was about to ask someone to prom. So in front of all 30 riders, (and in my chamois no less), I went on bended knee to Dan and asked him to escort me to prom. Surprisingly, he accepted! While I simply did it for kicks, it wound up being such a blessing. The absurdity of the situation set the tone for the rest of the proceedings: this prom is going to be ridiculous. Dan and I demonstrated too that the dates weren’t meant to be serious. The other way I attempted to calm anxieties about prom was the announcement at the last town hall meeting: “I know everyone probably doesn’t have the best memories of their prom. This prom is going to ameliorate all that. Actually, don’t even think of this as prom, think of it as anti-prom.”

Ok, so that’s the primary background of all prom activity leading up to July 29th. Let’s talk about that actual day.

That morning, I was awoken an hour too early by Sharon (I love you, Sharon, but I’m still bitter about this) who couldn’t figure out how to get out of the camper in which we had slept (and to be fair, Jessie and I dealt with the same problem the day before). So at 6:30 am I listened to Sharon as she took apart the door in order to climb out of the camper.

It was difficult to be mad for long though as I was waking up in Eden. The day before we had ridden through 116 miles (and a massive storm, which I found shelter from underneath a hay bale along the side of the road, but that’s another story) into Devil’s Lake, ND. After the ride, we were picked up and taken to Isaiah’s farm where we were to eat and spend the night.

The Bergs were hands down the best hosts of our trip. Everyone in our group continuously exclaimed, “I feel so at home here.” Literally half the town of Starkweather turned out to dinner to meet us. We were all treated to tractor and horseback rides, tours of the farm, dips in the whirlpool, and, perhaps best of all, a plethora of photo albums and embarrassing stories about the Isaiah. Besides being such gracious hosts, they were truly salt of the earth. Never have I encountered such genuine kindness within an entire family.

That night I had chosen to sleep in the Berg camper set up in the driveway. I fell asleep to the most spectacular lightning storm (no thunder could be heard, a North Dakota phenomenon?), which resembled a series of flashbulbs going off in the distance every other second.

So back to the morning. Sharon came back around 7:30 to call Erik and me to breakfast. And what an amazing breakfast it was. Mrs. Berg made her famous caramel rolls and cranberry/white chocolate scones. Ian treated us to French toast from his prized Challah loaf.

To say we were hesitant to leave is an understatement, but leave we did around 9 am. As we rode along in the bus back to Devil’s Lake, our hearts sunk not only because we were leaving the Berg farm, but of what we saw when we looked out the window: Wind. Torrential winds from the west.

We got back to the church, repacked the trailer, and mounted our bikes around 10. The ride was decent for about, oh, the first 1000 meters. We were headed north out of the church until we turned onto Route 2 and headed west.

How can I describe riding against 30 mph winds for 60 miles? It is simply the most demoralizing experience I can think to imagine. You could be pedaling as hard as you possibly can and yet still only reach speeds of 9 mph. You’re constantly being blown to and fro across the road and you cannot coast on you bike for fear of losing momentum (so quickly) that you fall over.

I was told that there would be days on the trip when I would want to throw my bike in a ditch and walk home. This was that day. I however was blessed to be riding with Erik. Just having another person there prevented me from “going to the Dark Side” as it were. Also, having one other person to draft off of was perfect as you can position yourself at either side of the person if the wind is coming from the sides. It also allows greater mobility in times when the wind or road suddenly shifts.

We reached lunch around 1, with our average speed at 11.4 mph (the day before I averaged 18 mph through 116 miles). Shortly after we began lunch, there was quite a bit of bad news as we found out Katrina had tapped wheels in a paceline and gone down. Fortunately, she merely fractured her finger but had to go to the hospital.

After lunch was 28 more miles of riding. While the bad conditions were still just as intense, I got my second wind every time I thought about Prom waiting at the end of the ride. At one point, when Erik and I took a break from the wind behind some hay bales, I took to chalking on the side of the road, “14 miles to Prom!!!”

Erik and I made it to the high school (we couldn’t find a church in this town and so decided to hold prom that night as we would already have to make our own dinner and need a dancing venue) around 4:30. Katrina had just come back from the hospital and had a monster cast on her arm. But what did she want to do? Get back on the bike and get her miles in. Baller. Sure enough, she did 25 miles with the cast at the end of the day.

We found a venue for the dance and began to cook dinner and set up tables outside. As people began to arrive, I was hesitant to get too intense about prom. After all, it was a rotten day of riding. But not a single person got off their bike with a bad attitude. Not only that, but some people had actually taken time out of what they knew would be a long day to get last-minute items at the thrift store in Devil’s Lake.

By 7:30, dinner was prepared (Dan make fruit/veg chili, I prepared some beer bread and cornbread) and we all sat with our dates to eat. Some notable costumes: Kate, Craig, Lindsey, Anson, Isaiah, and Eric took some costumes (including tuxes) from the band room for outfits. Katrina made use of her cast and face scratches to resemble a battered housewife. Zack wore an army camo suit and inadvertently matched his date Jess, who dressed like a Miami floozy. Quang was a cowboy and his date Arianna wore a sequined American flag outfit , the all-American pair. Michelle and John R. matched as a hippie couple. Joy and Sharon dressed similarly. Pen and Kevin dressed up hand-made mannequins to act as their dates (there weren’t enough girls, remember?). Bobby found a cowboy outfit from the band room, but the pants didn’t zip up all the way, causing a lot of laughs. Ian, Shawn, and Derek made use of some random thrift items and could be collectively described as hobos. Maki and Christopher were just fabulous; words can’t describe them. And Dan and I went for a space cadet look (bringing a new level to “Harvest Moon”) with matching hot pink and grey outfits. Dan even detailed the back of his bright pink blazer (found in the women’s section) with “Harvest Moon” along with moons and stars in silver spray paint.

After dinner, I read descriptions of the couples a few of us put together the night before. It began as me merely justifying why I had paired some couples together (unattached people had come to me several days before to be “match made.”) and eventually evolved into a short snippet of everyone:

Quang and Arianna: The Wallflowers. Two emos brooding in the corner. How original.
Jess and Zack: The Skydivers. They met, they fell in love. And then they jumped out of a plane.
Reed: Reinstated. We’ll allow you to this prom, but you have to come up with your own date.
Anson and Lindsey: Moxie and Torch. She’s on fire… at least her eyebrows are. Good thing she’s got Moxie from Alaska to cool her down.
Michelle and John R.: The Tandem Pair. Mathemathics, economics, engineering…a marriage of minds. But probably not bodies.
Pen, Kevin: The Non-Disclosure Pact. “No comment.”
Kate and Craig: The Amazon and the Gods. Amazon women often have trouble finding legitimate men. Then Kate saw Thor and Vigo and the rest is legend.
Kim and Ian: Swinger couple. Because it doesn’t matter who you go to prom with, it’s who you bring home that matters.
Dae: Taken. If you’ve ever admired a girl in his presence, his immediate response is, “Oh no, man. I’ve got a girlfriend.” So Dae gets to bring his girlfriend…in popsicle stick form. That’s right, print out her photo and attach it to a popsicle stick. You can still enter the best dressed, provided she’s decorated appropriately.
John P. and Shawn: The Separatists. Now you can “do your own thing.” Together.
Maki and Christopher: The Finns. The best the Aryan race has to offer. This may not be saying much.
Joy and Sharon: Romy and Michelle. Every prom needs its token lesbian couple.
Derek: “I’m just here for the food.”
Kathy and Dan: Homewreckers. What’s worse, the fact that she asked a taken guy to prom or that he accepted?
Isaiah and Katrina: The Farm Couple. Because farm kids have to start somewhere.
Bobby-One word: townie.
Kristen and Erik: The Sweethearts. Missed volunteering at the animal shelter to come to prom. Shame on you.

Oh, and we took photos! We found an old banner in the back of the trailer and Christopher used the back to write “Harvest Moon.” We tied the banner up, stuck bike materials, a thermarest, and even a gong underneath. Each couple took cheesy photos in front of it all.

After dinner, we did the quintessential after-prom activity: visit the DQ. That’s right, we marched into Dairy Queen in full prom regalia, freaking some townies out in the process. Literally. There were three girls that were straight up horrified by Christopher. Then they started flirting with Ian. Ah, highschoolers.

We went back to the school, where dancing was set up. I figured most people were exhausted and would go to bed, but I could not have expected what came next. For a straight 45 minutes, nearly every bike and builder got on that dance floor and got down. Mind you, this is 11 o’clock at night after what was many people’s hardest day. There were line dances, dance circles, the YMCA (in which was added statements like “free bagels!” and “creepy old dudes in the shower!” by Maki and Christopher, respectively), and mad sing-alongs. It was the best dance of which I had ever been a part.

In fact, it was the best prom ever.